I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
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