Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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