now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
