shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
