I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
