I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
