i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
zippers are such a cool invention
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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