i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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