Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
Randomize
