she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
