I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
