exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
