my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
