Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
