did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
Randomize
