After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Randomize
