the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
you traded sex for a burrito?
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Randomize
