I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
