The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Randomize
