I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
He asked if I was going to squirt out my bday candles. I'm glad the perversion doesn't stop for special occasions.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
