a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Houston, we have a blender
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
