A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Just high enough for therapy.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
