I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
Randomize
