Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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