I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Randomize
