she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
