just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
