Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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