So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
She grabbed both of our dicks in the pool then said repeatedly, "this is my dream, this is my dream,"
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
My Sexting was not on an AP level
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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