dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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