I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
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