it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
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