I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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