Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
