apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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