He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Idk if I want to put a bra on
Randomize
