I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
