When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
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