If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
My life is pants optional.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
