The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
