Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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