This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
