They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
