I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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