Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize
