chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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