I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
