So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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