I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
