my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
