Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
