Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
