is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
