my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
this will be a night to untag.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
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