I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
