I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
