Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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