I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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