You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
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