Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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