if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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