Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
