I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize
