There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
True strength comes from lack of pants
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
