this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
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