Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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