i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
